Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Sugar and Spice and All Things Nice...

Or not, as the case may be. I don't know who made up that poem about little girls being made of sweet, nice things. Little girls can be very NOT nice!

It seems the girls in Miss Sunshine's class are having their fair share of little spats at the moment. None of it is serious or likely to leave any of them with emotional scars. It's just that silly "if you don't do it my way I won't play with you anymore", or "I only want to play with you not everyone else". It sounds like all this is coming from one girl, whose mother works in Admin at school. So my daughter has been accosted in the playground and told by this mother how sad she is that the girls aren't getting along. I'm sure that has just made a mountain out of what was probably just a molehill. I know how it is to be heartbroken when your daughter is being treated badly or struggling with friendships. I've been there! But I would never deal with the other kid myself!!!!!! The mother also asked me if I knew what was going on. The last incident I was aware of was dealt with and over ages ago so I had no idea.

So...my advice to poor Miss Sunshine who just doesn't do the whole emotional blackmail thing? To the girl who thinks the more friends you have to play with, the better life is? Who doesn't get the whole exclusive one on one friendship thing?

Be a good friend. Treat her the way you would want to be treated.
Be compassionate without being a doormat.
Find ways to express the value you place on your friendship with this girl.
Don't let her treat you badly.
Tell her gently that you don't like it when she does [xyz]. NEVER say "I don't like you".
Be willing to set your own boundaries within your friendships.
Understand that her Mum is upset for her daughter and put her comments behind you.

I have spoken with Miss Sunshine's teacher. Fortunately for me I am in his classroom helping from recess til lunch, so when the kids have gone out, it is the perfect time to have a moment to discuss such matters. I expressed my concern at Miss Sunshine having been approached by the other girl's Mum as well as the fact that emotional blackmail seems to be the weapon of choice for the kids to get their own way, and I have left the whole matter in his very capable hands to deal with at school. I'm so glad he has three daughters of his own LOL. I'm looking forward to Miss Sunshine coming home and telling me about the chat they will inevitably have together!

I hope we all survive to the point where the kids become adults!!!!!


Rachel said...

I hope miss sunshine has a better day today! =)

Tracy said...

It's so hard to see our children hurting. it sounds as though you gave her good advice. I hope things get better for her.

Left-Handed Housewife said...

I like the way you told Miss S to handle things--very sound advice! It's amazing how complicated girls' lives get, all the drama and hurt feelings. What bothers me the most about this situation is the mother getting involved. That just seems wrong to me--and really could make things worse for her own child in the long run. Who wants to be the girl whose mother accosts her friends when things aren't going right?

Well, I hope this all settles down soon, for your own sanity if no other reason!

Tracy said...

Ugh Girls LOL. They seemed to be getting long just fine in class when I was there yesterday. I was sequestered in a corner doing a specific job for the teacher so it wasn't that they were trying to make things look a certain way for my benefit!

The other Mum involved has been her usual happy self the last two days too!

I really think it was just a 'normal' hormonally driven spat. They got over it. The Mum not so quickly! Unless there is bullying involved, these spats are usually over before they begin, a lot of the time.

Rel said...

Good advice, Trac :)