Friday, 7 November 2008

The Tough Mum-Moments

What to do when your daughter wants to go to a particular event at a specific friend's home and both Mum & Dad are having a conniption at the very thought? You have Daddy tell her the answer. No. That way, I still get to be the good guy just sometimes! Do you think I could send him to school to answer the 'but why?' from the friend next week?

This is one of those times when I think I really like that I'm the kind of parent whose answer is "because I'm the grown up and I said so", and that is enough. Lucky for me, all those little friends know I'm not inclined to explain myself, so expectations are pretty low.

The way we parent might look a lot like self preservation and making our parenting life easier, but I have discovered along the way that we're doing a good job! Apparently it's called being the parent, not your child's friend. Who knew my stubborn nature would be the best thing my kids will ever have going for them, in a parent. I'd always thought I just didn't like being told what to do by kids (read: equivalent of waving a red rag at a bull) but it turns out the experts think its a good thing that grown ups are the boss.

They never tell you when you have a baby that all this other stuff is waiting for you just down the road a tiny little way.


Belinda said...

Pretty sure that's the second best thing they have going for them... the Best would be they are shown love in every detail of their lives.

Kind Regards

Cathy said...

Hello Tracy
Yes, show them lots of love but also show them that you mean what you say.
I see lots of 'my way of thinking' coming to the fore when my children (now adults who were known to question me a lot)talk to their children.
I know at times they felt and let me know I 'knew nothing' but it now seems I knew a great deal worth remembering lol
Take care

The Tin House said...

Tracy, we get this a LOT. WHY can't I go up to Nan & Pops for the tenth time today? WHY can't we stop at the bakery for a sausage roll? WHY do I have to pick up the clothes I threw onto the ground when I decided nude trampolining was necessary? (true! lolxx)

While there are times when an explanation is called for, I will often give it at a later time - bedtime is often good, as the emotion and ill will felt at the time of the original denial has ebbed and you can have a rational conversation. At other times, my favourite response is, "I don't have to give you a reason".

I think they're getting used to it?

We spent Tom's entire kindergarten year dodging invites from his little friend Beth for a sleepover. I'd gone to their home for a birthday party in February and could only liken it to a garbage tip. Lovely, interesting parents, but deary me - the housekeeping left a little to be desired. (there were three televisions with all the parts removed lying in the sea of crap on the loungeroom floor)

Now of course, this makes me sound like Martha Stewart - which I'm not. My house is messy and grubby about half the time, but this was on an entirely different scale. Lisa x

p.s. I was wondering if you could maybe email me about buying some of your coffee? I'd love to try it. fitzgeraldsmt at bigpond dot com

Tracy said...

Belinda, I guess good parenting comes from deep love...the two go hand in hand.

Cathy, it's a scary thing when your mother comes flying out of your mouth...only to realise she was right after all!!!!!!

Lisa...we've not had nude trampolining, but forbidding a swimming trip in 10C weather wasn't popular!

My father's favourite response "Because is a good enough reason for any little kid." Yep...guess Dad was right too.

Jodie said...

Hi Tracy, I found your blog! You are a lovely writer I must say. I look forward to getting to know you a bit more! Jodie.

Rel said...

Trac - I'm with you all the way on this one :)