I've raised two children to young adulthood, and a third who is mere year away from officially, legally joining them. We've parented and trained and disciplined and talked and guided and shepherd these children through the past 21 years. Mostly they're really great people to hang out with, and certainly for everyone beyond our picket fence that is still totally and absolutely true.
But yesterday I blew a gasket.
I am tired of fighting with these people to have them do their dishes job after dinner. Totally and complete done with it. So yesterday, after asking one child to empty the dishwasher before they went out in the morning I ended up just doing it myself.
Me: Could you please do the dishwasher before you go?
Child: But Mum, I have to go, because I need to get in some hours at work and I have an appointment and I'm about to leave....
Me: What, you can't take 5 minutes before you go?
Child: No, because otherwise I'll miss out on time at work
Me: Fine. I'll do it myself.
Note: Child works for their Dad and when they go and how much time they spend there is very fluid. It's not a normal "start at this time" kind of job.
So I emptied the dishwasher. And refilled it. And cleaned the disgusting microwave that is above my head height, so I can't actually see in there or clean without standing on a chair. I did the dishes, and dried them and put them away. And the dish rack (no one seems to remember it has a place in a cupboard!). I wiped down the bench and put all the bits and pieces away. Then I decided I will just do the stupid dishes myself, for the rest of my life, and give up on arguing with all the people in my house.
Yesterday's episode came on the heels of another Child throwing a hissy fit because they didn't want to cook dinner. That child got to stamp off to their bedroom and I had to figure out cooking dinner. After I got home, so wasn't able to start dinner til after 6pm. I have been known to tell these people they are free to move out....
I wonder when I get to throw a hissy fit and just choose not to do things...and then have them magically be done for me?
For now. At least I have a clean kitchen.
3 comments:
So frustrating! It was the same when my girls were home. Lots of eye rolling when I asked them to pick up clothes and put in the laundry, unload the dishwasher or set the table for dinner.
The shoe is now on the other foot. We stayed with our girls last weekend and I had baked cookies, bread rolls, sticky date puddings and prepped 2 chooks and veggies for dinner. The kitchen was reasonably tidy and I was collapsed on the couch with a wine when daughter got home. She immediately wasn't happy with the state of the kitchen (I had cleaned up after each dish but there was a few plastic containers and chopping boards still out) and set to tidying it to pristine condition. Hmm, maybe I have taught her well!
It's our lot in life - to do for others what they don't want to do for us!
When mine were still teenagers and we had something similar, I ended up cleaning everything up and then I went on strike. I simply announced in the car that this was happening. I did not raise my voice or have a hissy fit. I cleaned what I needed to have meals for myself and hubby as we needed it. I only did our washing. It was extremely hard to leave everything but I did. My strike included Mum's taxi service. I think this was the tipping point as we lived 50kms out of town. Yes they could drive but my car remained locked and I kept the keys. One week later, everything was clean and done. Yes I had to do this again but this time it lasted two days.
They learn pretty quickly once they leave home! My second daughter was the same - she would help if it suited her! She has now moved into res at uni where there is no magic dishes/dinner/laundry fairy. She appreciates it now, that's for sure, and has commented and thanked me a few times for all I did for her (when she wasn't noticing!)
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